I'm not a girl, not yet a woman...

 Hey friends! 

So there I was, standing in my Strawberry Shortcake sweat pants and my Strawberry Shortcake hoodie and my Strawberry Shortcake socks... and if in your mind you are picturing a small child, you would be wrong. This was me a few days ago. As I glanced down at my outfit.. all the way to my toes.. all I could think was... is this really what 41 looks like???

Not the actual outfit, this has an *Nsync tshirt

I think back to when I was younger and what I imagined people in their forties dressed like. I think about what my parents wore, what my friends' parents wore, and what *real adults* wore. And this is never what I pictured.

What I looked like was the same girl from the early '00s  wearing a Strawberry Shortcake tee she'd bought at Hot Topic. 

I looked like the 22-year-old in her college dorm room wearing Strawberry Shortcake pj pants. 

I looked like every version of myself I had been before when I was just a girl... not a woman.

But, alas, here I am. 

And I have to wonder if I'm still that girl on the inside... just somehow trapped in a 41-year old body. In so many ways, I still am. I've grown and learned a lot, but some of the same fears and insecurities are still there. The worries if I'm good enough. The fears if people like me enough. The questions of if I'm too much or if I'm doing everything wrong. 

No one tells you what you're supposed to do when you're an adult -- oh, sure, we know get a job, pay your bills, provide for your family, blah blah blah. But there's no instruction book. No checklist of do this, but don't do that. 

Which also means, I suppose, that there are no right or wrong ways. And maybe we all just find our way. 

Post title from: I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman by Britney Spears